In Defense of Brittany Spears
This moment, even as I type this, one of my very hot, very gay Captains is at a Brit Brit concert at the Tacoma Dome. Now I know that B. Spears is all kinds of fucked up. Indeed she is the cautionary tale that keeps on giving. Aeons from now (yes I know an aeon is an indefinite amount of time, and therefor cannot be plural) mothers will be telling their children that if they don’t eat their Space Sprouts that they’ll end up like Brittany. In fact my own Mother has said that my lifestyle, that is they gay lifestyle for those of you who don’t pay attention, will lead me down a road quite similar to hers. I’m well on the way, I got me hair cut pretty short a few weeks back. I know that other people write her music, that she has the most famous pussy of all time, that she’s a homophobe, that she’s a terrible mother, that she needs professional help, and that our obsession with her just enables the same fame seeking pathology that ruined her life. But there is something that Brittney Spears has given the world, that will leave a mark on it forever. Please allow me a few more minutes of fun before you crucify me in the manner that brought down the great and terrible Chris Crocker. In fact I’m being facetious, but more importantly, I’m shedding light on the one thing that constantly brings Brit Brit into my life. And that is that she writes the gayest music on the planet.
Sincerely I don’t think the gay community would be the same without her. I know my life has been enriched by the drag performances given to “Womanizer”. The hours I spent both dancing, and watching crazy hot boys dance to her tune-age. And then there’s my personal favorite, something I couldn’t honestly go a day without… and that is the MAMMOTH amount of strip teases, being given for FREE by crazy hot, very fit, and fairly talented gay boys on the youtube machine using B. Spears music as inspiration and background. My personal favorite even involves a particularly talented boy, a shower, “Circus” and a very supportive mom who apparently filmed a rousing strip tease for her son.
Don’t get me wrong. I think Brittany is crazy, and should probably seek help. And in the spirit of not being an enabler, I still have yet to purchase any other her songs. But what this woman accidentally does for the gay community is brilliant! She single handedly proved that gay marriage isn’t the biggest threat to the “Institution of Marriage” with her 24 hour marriage thing, she writes music for drag queens, club kids, and gay strippers, AND she gave rise to the fame of Chris Crocker, who otherwise would have remained in gay obscurity until his late 40s when he would be recognized as the grandfather of making sets out of sheets for gay porn films.
I often wonder if God sent Brittany to us. That perhaps her destiny is written in the heavens, and her reluctance notwithstanding she does the work of God for us gays on a daily basis. If so, I guess I should stop badmouthing all of God’s crazy religions and thank Him. Because in this shit box world of ours where our new President is expanding State Secret claims (more on this later), where children fight wars without even knowing why, and where same-sex marriage is illegal in California, and legal in fucking Iowa, I guess it just makes some beautiful sense that God is using Brittany Spears as his sacred vessel. To bring to bear the glory of His chosen people… the queers.
Have a blessed day! And God bless us! Everyone!
